If we study too much, and start using too much of our brains, we start asking ourselves philosophical questions. It gets really depressing sometimes, especially when Deon asks himself "WTF are you doing on Earth?"

Actually, what do you people want to do after studying. Let's face it, a degree will get you a good job and money and stuff. Ok, comfy life, but what do you really want to do. Honestly, money does mean something to everyone but I also want something more important than that. (Ya I'm rather greedy) I mean, don't you want to do something you love for the rest of your life too? I seriously dread the idea of working in an office. But of course, if its inevitable then do I have a choice? Today, in MYX studios, as I was recording my drums part. I really wished that that moment would not end. Although I got my part done after a short 2 takes and some punching, but as I was beating away, it was really a great feeling, some sort of achievement and definately, the enjoyment later on, as I heard the final outcome. And it was fun fun fun. Wouldn't it be better if I get paid for that job? Hard as life may seem. Sometimes we just fantasize. Of course I would also like to get hitched, have a boy and a girl and live happily. Love is equally important to me too. Performing and playing day to day, experincing the stresses of life with my partner and enjoy my time. Grow (notice its grow and not get) old and see where God wants me to be after my time. I really love performing and just indulging in producing music. It gives me a sense of satisfaction I could never get out of hitting the books. The high adrenaline rush that hits me when I performing, whether it's for a tame symphonic band performance, or putting up an act infront of 900 crazy teens, its really intangible. Its a release (NOT an escape from life) of my emotions. I really admire musicians that can make a comfortable living outta doing music itself. I admit man, people like Mr Glosz, I really want to be up there.

Guess I'm already really lucky to be leading a rather comfortable life now, to have dreams at this age. To know what I would love to do. But reality can be cruel at times, its a long and difficult walk to experience. I would love to go overseas to experience a different life for my tertiary education, and Berklee would be a dream, but I ultimately want to come back to Singapore and work. As for whether my dreams can match reality, its a different ball game altogether.

Ultimately, the things which still matter to me the most will be my family and love. As for my own individual desires, the best job in the world for me is to teach and perform music. ( I like to sing too! Too bad I can only be confined to bathroom singing for my horrible vocals.) I want to be as skilled as Mike Portnoy, as great a teacher as Mdm Patricia Lim (My beloved piano teacher since I was 5) and Mr Glosz. I really hope I can do so. I believe that person up there put me on this planet for a reason. And I pray that that reason is for me to do music.

Speaking about musicians, I do admire some of my own peers besides my idols and teachers. Few of the peers that I really do respect are Weejuay, WeiXiang, Jonathan, Mervin all from VS. My teachers, Ramu (from VS), Mr Glosz and Mdm Lim. My idols, Mike Portnoy and Joey Jordison. You may say I'm bias, but so far, technically, compared to the other musicians I have witnessed so far at our age, the VS peers have shown to be more profficient in their techniques. (I'm being totally honest on that) I'm not in anycase elevating myself, infact in VS, my playing is average, and I'm thoroughly impressed by my batchmates, seniors and now even juniors alike. Something that they display is their immense discipline and pride in that. Something I can never achieve unless its something I really love. I have this disorder of being totally engrossed in anything I love.

Well thats all for now. Sorry for feeling philosophical. Go listen to Sliverchair's Across the Night. Its a really great song with a live symphonic band behind it. And its singer rawks. Its my song for the night.

Cheekydeon has gone off to fantasize about his life and love.