So yet another week has passed, it has not been an easy week for me, it has never been an easy week when I'm away from home or the ones that I love. School has been very easy, as compared to Singapore it feels like I'm back in primary school again, the curriculum here is definitely not hard and most of it comes from the pressure of trying to be a good musician. Kinda like, pushing yourself to practice and be the best you can be. I'm sure most Singaporeans know what I mean, our attitudes are very different as compared to where I am now. Most Singaporeans here are doing great things, mostly I dare say, because of what we were "trained" to do since young. It does put a ton of mental and emotional pressure on us, especially from a subject that is so emotionally draining that at the end of the day, you feel stripped of all your energy.

This is an institution of music and not intellect I might add. So our knowledge may not be up there, but our EQ and IQ is. Its like being in the music business all day, since the hour you wake you put on your personality, leave your door and just venture into a day of making connections, forging friendships and learning from each other through music. Not an easy task I might add. Mostly after 2 hours of intensive drum practicing I'm already in a blank state. Most days I feel like just keeping quiet the whole day and not talking to my friends at lunch and dinner. But when I don't my mind just teleports me to the past and back to where I feel the most happy which then makes me miss home and Huishan.

As compared to the army, this is nothing, physically. But mentally, I would say its a hell lot more pressure than you can imagine. Cause in the army, there was no stress to do well, most of us just train or do what we have to do, the basic, and kinda just serve and fuck off after 2 years. But here, every freaking expensive second is too valuable to lose. IT ACTUALLY MATTERS. I don't have to schedule practicing and learning, I have to schedule time for myself. Practicing and learning is a mandatory everyday. In a way many people will say, wow, look at that you get to learn something new about music everyday, you get to touch music everyday, your in the best freaking institution in the world which produced the most successful musicians in the industry and the faculty has worked with the biggest names on the international stage, its going to be awesome.

But many people, except the students, don't know that to this, it just adds a hell lot of pressure to us, knowing that if we don't step out of the school being a killing musician who can tear it up on his/her instrument and can produce great tracks and will be on every single radio station in the world, we will never be satisfied. Everyone says its ok, no worries, we are here cause we "love" music. Yes I agree, you love music, but like every relationship there comes the weight of the relationship too. Nothing is one sided.

The school is an irony in that fact. I am starting to question is there really supposed to be an instituition to teach you how to play music, or do you learn how to play music yourself? Do you have to go to school to be good in music, or can you do it on your own. In that case, why is the faculty in the school made up of teachers who didn't go to a music instituition and mainly come up with their own teaching material. Are we in this school cause we feel comforted by the fact that we know we are in good hands? Is it a way of battling our own insecurities? Do you need a piece of paper to tell you you are good in music? Why am I in this school. Of course theres a beauty to it, to know that everyone you know in the school is a musician, someone who is passionate enough to make a difference by giving themselves a chance to come to the school. But many a time, we have to question ourselves, why did we choose to come to this school. Is it really because you love music, or is it because you love the benefits that comes from playing music. And with benefits I mean fame, pride and competition. Not love and enjoyment. We practice our arses off here everyday, from practice room sessions to individual sessions to ear training to harmony to arranging to ensemble practice to jamming sessions.

Boston, Boston, Boston, it feels surreal that I'm even here.


Found a flyer on some desk.


Was in the performance center and it was really dark, before the start of the Jazz Festival here.


The band was coming out, the leader of the band used to be a student here.


The band tearing it up on stage, bebop style.


The band, with drummer Cindy Blackman, ex student.

Halfway, I was caught using my camera so I could take the second band, which was led by a faculty member here.


Before the start of my teacher's recital of her pieces.


There she is, the Taiwanese teacher who went through her education here before getting her Masters. My ear training teacher.


Jon sitting at the lobby of the school looking all pissed before dinner.


You all know this guy, looks pissed, cause I asked him to, and partly cause it was raining so bad he had to change his socks 3 times. Haha.


Lobby.

So I spend yesterday and the day before going to recitals and going to concerts. I was super tired and slept at both for at least 10 mins. Yes, the weekend is the only time I get to recuperate my sleeping hours and be sane for a moment.

I miss you so much! You mean the world to me, and I would do anything for you! I love you.